


Love is Complicated as Shell

by Ikara



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Comfort, F/M, M/M, Self-Discovery, T-Cest, True Love, Valentine's Day, break-ups, semi-slow build fic, tcest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-05-20 14:57:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6012847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikara/pseuds/Ikara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Raph ever found out whoever said “tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” he was going to punch them in the face. Heck, maybe he would punch Donnie since this whole mess was his fault!  Raph hadn’t been so confused until he’d tried being helpful. So much for his promise to never fall in love again! 2012 series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Stinks

This story takes place in the future after the Turtles have stopped the Triceratons from destroying the earth, ‘cuz you know they will!  An * indicates there will be notes at the end of the chapter.

(WARNING!  There will be some coarse language and lewd remarks that you can blame on Raph. Also, this story has accurate science and zoology in it, so for any of you that are under the impression that just because an alien walks on two legs they are similar to humans, prepare to be disillusioned.)

 

 

Valentine’s Day was, in Raphael’s opinion, probably the stupidest idea humanity has ever come up with!  The whole thing was a big scam thought up by Greeting Card and Candy companies to trick guys into blowing cash on cheesy junk for girls as a way to express their “love”, as if cardstock with sappy poetry and cheap chocolate had any real meaning. Worst of all, it made anyone who didn’t have someone to spend money on feel like a total loser.  For the life of him, he would never understand humans. 

But Donatello did… or at least he liked to think so.  Usually around this time of year his genius brother in purple would be pining away over April- trying to scribble down poems that he eventually crumpled up and tossed out, and tinkering for hours in his lab trying to come up with the perfect gift that he would never have the guts to actually give the red-head.  It was adorable and sad at the same time.

But not this year, and the reason was a Hockey-stick wielding vigilante named Casey Jones.

Last Friday night April and Casey’s high-school had held a “Valentine’s Dance” , it wasn’t as big a deal as Prom but apparently it was still kind of a big deal that required everyone to get all dressed up, and Casey had asked April to go with him as his date. As in his _DATE_ date.  She’d said yes, and as far as Raph was concerned, that made them officially a couple. 

That was 2 days ago and Donnie had been miserable ever since.

2 days, 2 whole frustrating days of having to watch his brother alternate between being completely numb like some kind of turtle-zombie and looking like he’s in mourning with his head hung low as he slowly shuffled from room to room- He hadn’t seen any actual tears yet and he was _really_ hoping that it wouldn’t come to that, he wasn’t sure if he could handle sobbing. 

Splinter had said that their brother needed time to come to terms with things and to allow him to cope in his own way. If they were patient, he would open up when he was ready and would return to his usual self. 

Yeah, that was easy for Sensei to say; he could just meditate and block out the noise of Donnie sighing and whimpering like some kicked puppy as he moped around the lair. The rest of them weren’t so lucky;

Mikey had somehow gotten the idea that food could fix anything and had spent the last two days assaulting their senses with his own horrifying array of “gourmet” creations that he was sure would distract Donnie from his heartache.  It made sense; indigestion has a way of distracting you from a lot of things.  

(Seriously though, macaroni & cheese on pepperoni pizza he would’ve been fine with, if Mikey had used _actual_ butter instead of that whipped strawberry cream cheese April had left in the fridge, and if Mikey hadn’t decided it would taste best served as a smoothie, and where the heck did he even GET sauerkraut?!)

 Unfortunately the news about April and Casey had pretty much killed Donatello’s appetite and he had declined almost all meals the past couple of days.  And since their Father was adamant about not letting food go to waste, no matter how disgusting, it had been up to him and Leo to clean up Donnie’s uneaten plates.

 Raph swore if Mikey didn’t stop trying to be so _supportive_ soon, he was going to beat the green off him.

Lame-o-nardo had of course agreed with Splinter on giving Donatello his space, though he made it a point to ask the genius if he needed anything, like, every other hour, and each time Donnie put on his “brave soldier” face and insisted he was fine.  Then like friggin’ clockwork, big bro would squeeze his shoulder and tell him that he was there for him if he ever wanted to talk, and then walk way like he’d won some kind of award for _“Best Supportive Sibling”._

 Leo was positive that all his efforts were really getting through to the resident nerd, and insisted that they just needed to give Donnie a little time and he would let this whole April-and-Casey-thing go, even though that hypocrite still got all moony-eyed every time the subject of Karai came up. 

Honestly, what did Fearless-Leader know about letting things go?

Not that Raph’s own approach had been any better. It wasn’t any worse either.  If the Brainiac didn’t want to talk about it that was _his_ business. If he wanted to be a pouty little hatchling, _let him_. The sooner he got it all out of his system the better.  As long as Donnie didn’t bother him, Raph would return the favor. But as luck would have it, he never seemed to get what he wanted.

It’s like the whole damn Universe had it out for him or something.

All the red banded turtle wanted to do was go a few rounds on the punching bag in peace before he hit the showers and got ready for bed.  That wasn’t so much to ask, was it?  Well apparently it was because for some reason the turtle he was trying to avoid decided that, despite having the entire lair at his disposal, the seat closest to the punching bag was the perfect place to sit and pretend to research something on his computer while he sulked about April.

It’s not like Raph was trying to be insensitive. He wasn’t heartless, and it’s not like he didn’t understand somewhat of what his bro was going through, _Shell_ , he had first-hand experience!   Donnie would get over April, just like _he_ had gotten over Mona- 

He paused his fist mid-strike in front of the punching bag and he scowled at the mere thought of her name.  Just thinking about _her_ and his fleeting crush still gave him a headache. Actually, most of his memories of outer space gave him a headache…

They were just too different.

He had given it his best shot, honest he had.  Heck, he’d even gone so far as to stop and think things through instead of just rushing into things like he would normally do.  He’d liked Mona, a lot, and he didn’t want to screw things up with another “handshake of war” fiasco, so as soon as they’d had a moment alone on a relatively peaceful re-fueling station planet without certain annoying little brothers making kissy faces at them, he’d started asking her questions.

He knew she was strong, beautiful (honestly, humans didn’t do it for him) and she liked fighting, which was awesome, but he’d wanted to know more… and he wasn’t too thrilled with what he learned. 

For all the crap he gave his bros, they were important to him- ok, not just important, they were his entire damn world and he needed to know if Mona Lisa valued family as much as he did, so that seemed like the safest place to start in the whole “get to know you” plan.

 Boy had he been wrong on that one. 

He had tried, and failed miserably not to cringe when she casually told him how she had originally had 5 brothers, 3 of which her mother ate, and 3 sisters, 2 of which SHE ate when they were just tadpoles.  The tadpole thing had shocked him, honestly he thought that tadpoles were baby frogs, but in reality all amphibians start out like that.  Another shocker; Salamandrians are amphibians- he’d honestly thought she was some kind of lizard lady, a reptile like him.

The whole cannibal thing was almost enough to make him toss his lunch but she didn’t seem to think eating her brothers and sisters was a big deal, (when he asked the Fugitoid about it later he said it was common in all species of “Salamandra Genus” and it was seen as a cultural practice to prevent overpopulation as well as to ensure that only the strongest of the species prevailed) so he’d tried to change the subject by asking about her mom.

That had also been disappointing; as far as she knew, her mother was alive.  That was it.  Her people didn’t really form close relationships with their parents. There was simply no need. It seemed so… cold.

At the time, he’d felt super uncomfortable as he tried to block out memories of his own father and the pain of seeing him fall at the hands of the Shredder. That was still so fresh; even though they were in the middle of changing the past to prevent it from happening, it still felt so raw in his mind- The thought of possibly failing to save the Earth, of failing to save Splinter, it was too much.  Mona Lisa wouldn’t have understood what he was going through so he tried his best not to let it show.

 At the risk of offending her, he had asked if she had _any_ close relationships- that had led to another shocker…

Apparently most Salamandrians preferred to live and travel alone; only interacting with one another when necessary as her people were very independent and self-sufficient, but it was not uncommon for them to form a “bonded pair” such as the case with her and her Commander. 

 _That_ had his gut twisting into knots.  Wondering if he had assumed too much, he asked if she and (he thinks his name was something-Thraka maybe?) were an “item” which led into another conversation of trying to explain what an “item” was…. Some things just didn’t translate.

 From what he understood, Mona and Sal Commander were occasionally mates, but their bond was far deeper than that, it was a form of “social monogamy”. They were both free to mate with others should one come along that caught their interest, but they would always remain faithful to one another.   They were life partners.*  

That one had hurt.   Sure, turtles weren’t exactly a _one-person-for-the-rest-of-your-life_ species, but he wasn’t _just_ a turtle, he was part human too, and he’d been raised like a human. What she was describing sounded too much like a married couple who were ok with their spouse having an affair every now and then.  Even if that was normal for her, he wasn’t sure he liked the idea. It felt… kinda sleazy.

Ok, so they had different values and there was a huge culture shock, but _hey_ , people who grow up in different countries get together all the time, don’t they? He just had to learn to work around a few things…

 So what if she was a cannibal? Who cared if he wouldn’t be the only one she had eyes for? And so what if she was older than him by like, 12 Earth years? (Actually, that one was kind of a perk knowing how much it would piss Leo off) What was the big deal if she… ate… mostly bugs… that kinda looked like space cockroaches… That didn’t matter!  All that didn’t define who she was! And it certainly wasn’t any reason why they couldn’t still make it work.   

No, there was an even bigger reason.

Again, not knowing anything about how alien cultures worked, Raph had just assumed that the whole nose-touching-thing was their version of kissing.  The fact that Mona wanted to do it a lot had him convinced she was really into him. It was Professor Honeycutt who cleared up that particular misunderstanding.  (And damn that cyborg, why couldn’t he have mentioned this shit _before_?)

Salamandrians were a lot like earth Salamanders, as in a LOT a lot. Females press their nostrils to the male’s face ‘cuz that’s were some pheromone gland or something is.  Mona Lisa wasn’t going for a make-out fest, she was trying to detect his scent to see if he was ready to mate, and being that he wasn’t a Salamander, she wasn’t finding it. 

That first bit had been a bummer, but the second part had him interested. The fact that she was trying smell him meant that she was interested in going “all the way” so he was _right_ and she WAS really into him!  Knowing that, he decided that he wanted a kiss, and this time _he_ was going to be the one to take the initiative and show her how they did things Earth-style.  

That was when everything pretty much went to crap.

The first few times he had met up with Mona Lisa and they touched noses, he had felt queasy a couple of hours afterwards, he wasn’t sure if that was just nerves or the fact that space travel in general made him nauseas, but he never really thought too much about it. Looking back now, he would kick himself for being so stupid.

 Kissing Mona Lisa had been a complete disaster, and not just because the weird shape of her mouth made it super awkward… Just like any other Salamander, Mona Lisa had a layer of slime that covered her entire body (ok, technically the Professor said it was “mucus” and that’s what allowed her to breathe, but in Raph’s opinion “slime” sounded a lot less gross than being covered in snot) and it was extremely toxic.

Less than 2 hours after their “first kiss” and he locked himself in the ships bathroom as his insides erupted out of both ends.  Casey had thought it was hilarious, and Raph would have been happy to pound the Hockey player’s face in for all the “porcelain dance partner” jokes he was making, except that his lips and tongue had gone completely numb and all of his muscles felt like they had turned into pudding.  Donnie said he was lucky to be alive. 

When he had recovered enough to stand up on his own without muscle spasms or wanting to puke his guts out, he asked the Professor how the heck Salamandrians ever had any kids when they were covered in poisonous slime?  What the cyborg described had not been pleasant, but it had relieved him of any fears of Sal Commander and Mona Lisa wanting a “threesome”.

 In fact, he was pretty sure that their ideas of sex were on completely different levels, considering the males of their species didn’t even have a penis, not in the sense that Raph knew it anyway.  Penetration of any kind was completely non-existent.

That had been the end of it.

 He may not be considered the most patient turtle, but a long distance relationship where he would always be second fiddle (or third, or fourth) with a cannibalistic chick who ate space roaches, who he couldn’t kiss without vomiting and getting explosive diarrhea, and who’s idea of “4th base” was him oozing his Jizz onto a pile of leaves for her to rub herself off against was too much for ANYBODY to handle. * 

That wasn’t a relationship, it was a friggin’ nightmare!

Honestly, he had thought telling Mona Lisa that he wasn’t interested in being her “tadpole daddy” would’ve been a lot harder than it was. He half expected her to get pissy and rip his head off. Like, literally rip it off.  But once again she surprised him and even called him honorable for being honest with her.  Go figure.

He didn’t know why so many songs went on about breaking-up being hard to do; it was disappointing, sure, but he’d gotten over it in less than a week.

Everyone had been pretty supportive, more or less;

 April had gotten all wishy-washy and sympathetic, while at the same time elbowing Casey hard in the ribs and glaring at him whenever he sniggered about the reasons why Raph and Mona weren’t a match.

 Mikey had been _too_ supportive, smothering him with unwanted hugs at random times of the day while saying “I’m here for you bro!” That was great and all, but why couldn’t he be there for him _somewhere else_?

Leo didn’t think any of it was funny, he hadn’t been clingy or looked at him with pity and Raph was extremely grateful for that. What he hadn’t appreciated was Leo’s confident attitude, insisting that Raph would get over it in no time, it was probably all for the best, and besides they had other things to worry about, like finding the remaining pieces of the Black Hole Generator before the Triceratons did. 

Okay, he’d been right about all of it, but he didn’t have to be so damn smug about it.  

As for Professor Honeycutt, “supportive” wasn’t exactly the word he’d use… More like curious. He wanted to know what Raph had expected the result to be, as if it were like some kind of messed up science experiment and then went so far as to list all the reasons why an alien amphibian species and a mutated Terran reptile* were incompatible…. As if Raph didn’t have enough reasons.

Donatello had jumped into the conversation and excitedly went on and on with the Professor discussing the differences between mutants and beings that had naturally evolved from primitive species, going on about how even though Humans evolved from primates into something far more intelligent with opposable thumbs, their basic reproductive systems and their familial- (something that sounded like “Higher Ark-ies?”*) and behaviors have remained the same.

He also highly suspected that if they had not been mutated but naturally evolved into sentient beings, they would also have 5 fingers and toes on each hand and foot like normal turtles instead of being (sin..sin-dack… some long word for why they only have 6 fingers and 6 toes!*) and would probably have horizontal slits in their pupils instead of the round ones they had now that resembled a human’s. They would most likely also have beaks, and would probably display more instinctual turtle like behaviors and blah blah _blah_ science mumbo jumbo.

 Raph didn’t really bother to stick around to listen to the conversation once it was clear it was no longer about his relationship troubles. If anything, he decided it best to leave the Brainiac and the Professor to their discussion before their “geek speak” started to piss him off. 

He didn’t know why, but for some reason the fact that Donnie wasn’t even willing to acknowledge his ordeal with Mona had really gotten on his nerves.  

 

 

But that was in the past; the Earth was saved, Splinter was fine, they were all back home and Mona Lisa was out of his life for good.  As far as he was concerned, they should keep ALL women out of their lives for good- they were nothing but trouble!  They had working hands and could take care of their own urges whenever they needed and it wouldn’t involve _half_ the drama that came with having to put up with a female.

He couldn’t think of one positive thing that had ever come out of him or his bro’s having a “thing” for a girl- Mona Lisa, Karai, Renet, April, they were all a hassle!  All they did was poison them with toxic goo, vow to kill them before pulling a Princess Leia* then get mind-controlled into wanting to kill them again, send them hurtling back in time and then LOSING them there, or…or….

Or breaking his brother’s heart.

He glanced back at Donatello’s form, slumped over his laptop, his eyes glazed over not even registering whatever it was that was on the screen as he listlessly scrolled through the pages, occasionally letting out deep, lamentful sighs of lost love.

Raph rubbed a hand over his face and let out a deep sigh of his own, one of his patience nearing its limit.

Okay, he had to admit, their situations weren’t _entirely_ the same.

 Donnie had been crushing hard on the human for way longer than Raph had even known Mona Lisa (or Giff-Ba, or whatever her name actually was).  The risks his bro had taken; jumping out of helicopters, taking on “Chrome Dome,” Karai, and a squadron of foot bots by himself- the crazy plans he had made; flow charts and music boxes, all to make the red-head happy were all _way_ beyond anything Raph would have been willing to do for the Salamander.

Sure, he’d mocked all of Donnie’s efforts to impress April at first, but after seeing his bro nearly get himself killed on a solo mission to rescue April’s dad from a secret Kraang Base, just to prove to the sai wielder his feelings for the girl weren’t as “sadorable” as they all thought, Raph had backed off.  Heck, he even tried to buy Donnie some time by running interference with Casey every now and then. 

Not that he thought Donnie actually had any kind of chance; Casey and April hooking up was inevitable, they’d all known that since day one.  All he wanted to do was give Donnie some time to realize that as well, time to get over April on his own before those two got together so it wouldn’t hurt so much.

Donatello was supposed to be the “smart one” after all, and Raph couldn’t understand why his bro couldn’t see that he and April were just too different to ever make things work.

Despite what the Kraang had done to her, for the most part April was human and had grown up a normal human life surrounded by other normal humans.  There was absolutely no reason for her to find a mutant turtle attractive.  Not that he’d ever talked to her about it, but he was pretty sure that April probably wanted normal human things in life, like getting married to a guy she could be seen in public with and having a couple of kids.  Girls were into that kind of thing, right?

 None of those things were anything that Donnie could give her.  The most Donnie could offer was a nice cozy pad in the sewers and all the algae and worms she could eat.  Yeah, he can practically see the ladies lining up now.

And even if by some, odd, impossible chance April was okay with never having a family of her own and living underground as an outcast from society and everything she’s ever known, there was still one teeny tiny problem.  Okay, more like a huge problem.  It was the same problem Raph had had with the Salamandrian warrior.

Donnie and April could never actually “be together” in the same way a man and a woman can be together.

While he and his bros weren’t exactly as _well-endowed_ as their un-mutated cousins, they were still way above any human standard in both length and girth. From what he’d seen, the shape was off too.  And though he doubted his brother had gotten his information from porn like Raph had, he was sure Donnie had studied enough textbooks on human anatomy to come to the same conclusion as him.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out that if tab “A” couldn’t fit into slot “B”, those pieces were not meant to go together.

That knowledge seemed to be of little comfort to his immediate younger brother though as he let out yet another pitiful exhale that seemed to echo off the walls of the lair, filling every nook and cranny of the abandoned subway station with an oppressive gloom.

Sewer Apples, he had to do SOMETHING.

Raph wasn’t a turtle for small talk, but at this point ANYTHING would be better than… whatever _this_ was.  It was worth a shot anyway;

The turtle in red gave the punching bag another volley of hits for good measure, trying to act as if he’d just been taking a break and not distracted by the depressing atmosphere that seemed to follow Donatello wherever he went.  What he needed was an ice-breaker, something subtle that would get his bro talking but would avoid certain topics that were too painful to touch right now.

Sneaking a side glance at the laptop computer that only barely seemed to hold Donnie’s attention, Raph decided that was as good a place to start as any.  Stopping his assault on the bag, he made a show of stretching out his arms, hoping to come off as casual as possible while he went through a basic routine.

“So, Egg-head, what’cha working on?” 

Several seconds crawled by and Raph wondered if the purple banded turtle had even heard him. Two heartbeats later Donnie finally decided to acknowledge him with a quick shrug of his shoulders, not even bothering to look away from the screen.

“Stuff.”

 

 _Stuff._ That was it. No mile-a-minute ramblings of technical jargon, no wordy descriptions of some new wild theory that needed testing, no detailed calculations that somehow included not just numbers but letters of the alphabet, not even a snarky complaint of his never ending _to-do-list_ of security upgrades or vehicle maintenance.

Just _stuff_.

Apparently _stuff_ was all Donatello had to contribute to the conversation because once again the room was filled with an uncomfortable near-silence that was dampened slightly by the creaking of the chain holding up the neglected punching bag as it finally slowed its swaying motion to a halt and the occasional automated “ping” that came from the Space Heroes pinball machine on the far side of the room.

The only other sound was the grinding of Raph’s back teeth.

This whole thing sucked.

He wanted to be happy for his friends; Even if he was a total bone head, Casey was a good guy who would never let anything happen to April, and April was pretty cool, she’d really stuck her neck out for the turtles these past couple of years, heck at this point she was almost like a sister to them, and those two made an awesome team. They were happy together, and Raph WANTED them to be happy together.

….But he wanted Donnie to be happy too, dammit!

He wanted Donnie to type away like a mad man on his lap top with that goofy look on his nerdy face while he gushed about something none of them could understand. He wanted to see the geek lost in his own little world while he fiddled with some piece of junk with his tongue sticking out between his teeth.  He wanted to hear his sarcastic remarks aimed at Leo, he wanted to hear him snap at Mikey before tossing the little nut-ball out of his lab, and he wanted to hear the genius call him a meat head...

He wanted his brother back.

But since when did Raphael ever get what he wanted?

Once again, the Universe decided to rub dirt in his face, as his bō wielding bro decided that was the right time to gather up his computer and shuffle out of the room without so much as a word or a glance in Raph’s direction. The latter could only stare, stunned at the former’s rude departure.

Donatello just brushed him off.  Here he was, trying to be nice and supportive, and Donatello just BRUSHED HIM OFF.

Keeping his fists down at his sides and clenching his teeth so tight he thought his molars would crack, Raph slowly counted to 10 as he tried to keep the growing rage at bay.  Donnie wasn’t in his right mind right now, he was still upset over April and pummeling him into the floor wasn’t going to help…. Much.

Green eyes narrowed with new found determination, and he made his decision right then and there. He would give Donatello ‘till the end of the week before Raph crashed his little pity party. He was going to get his brother back, whether the genius liked it or not.

 

****

****

****

**_To Be Continued_** in a week….

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Yes this is a real thing with salamanders. I’m not making this stuff up people, google “Social monogamy in a territorial salamander” by Gillette JR, Jaeger RG, and Peterson MG- it’s an article published by the Department of Biology, University of Louisiana. 
> 
> *Turtles are not amphibians they are reptiles. If you don’t know the difference between a reptile and an amphibian you need to go to the library ASAP because that is sad beyond belief.
> 
> *No joke, there are two ways that Salamanders mate depending if they are more land based or water based; for the latter, the female lays eggs and then the male fertilizes them (kind of like fish) or the male secretes his sperm onto a bed of leaves or sticks, then the female scoots her body across it. Seriously, why would alien Salamanders have anatomy similar to humans? They evolved from amphibians, not primates. 
> 
> *Hierarchies, a system or organization in which people or groups are ranked one above the other according to status or authority- in this case it’s talking about the family pecking order.
> 
> *The word Raph is looking for is Syndactles, which is the plural form of someone with Syndactyly, a genetic condition, a mutation, that causes people to be born with their fingers and or toes fused together, making it appear as if they are missing digits.
> 
> *Princess Leia, you know, the chick from Star Wars? Kissed Luke and then later we learn she’s his sister? If you don’t understand how this relates to Leo and Karai then you haven’t been keeping up with the series and I can’t help you.


	2. How to Hide Your Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place exactly one week after the first chapter, prepare yourself for a little angst and a dash of drama. A * indicates notes at the end, if you’re not careful you might learn something.
> 
> (WARNING! There will be some coarse language and some suggestive innuendo in this chapter, if you find this offensive then perhaps the internet is not the safest place for you.)

 

A wise man (who also happened to be a 6’2” mutant rat in a kimono) once said that _“True patience consists in bearing what is unbearable.”_

 _Unbearable_ ; that sounded about right. In fact, it described this last miserable week down to the letter.

At this point, Raph figured he had earned himself a damned medal for how patient he had been; true to his word, even if he was the only one who knew he’d given it, he’d waited an entire week for his bro to pull himself together on his own. 

1 whole week and the only thing that had improved had been the food- and that was because Splinter had finally had enough and suggested to Mikey that, while his creative attempts to cheer up his brother were most thoughtful, perhaps the best way to aid Donatello on his path to normalcy would be better accomplished through a more _normal_ diet, something both Raph and Leo had wholeheartedly agreed with.

Raphael never thought he’d see the day he’d call pepperoni, jalapeño and jellybean pizza _normal,_ but after tasting Mikey’s avocado, black bean and cornflakes pizza breakfast burrito, the youngest turtle’s former _gourmet_ weirdness was practically mundane.

 

1 week and Donatello still hadn’t spoken any sentences longer than _“No really, I’m fine.”_ Absolutely nobody had even tried to bring up the topic of Casey and April, which was incredible seeing as how those 2 had dropped by every other day. 

 Maybe _Incredible_ wasn’t the right term.  _Awkward_ would probably be a better word for it.

Not that their visits were unexpected; April was still training with Master Splinter to be a Kunnoichi*, and had shown up Monday afternoon right after school just as she always did. Casey had Hockey practice so he didn’t stop by until much later to walk April back home.

There must have been a meeting that Raph hadn’t been invited to, since everyone but _him_ seemed to have gotten the memo about pretending everything was perfectly fine.

The second the red-head had walked past the turnstiles into the lair, Donnie had perked up just enough to put on a weak smile and give this dinky little wave, greeting her with a _“Hey, April!”_ that sounded like he was either faking being cheerful and failing at it, or like he was just waking up from a 12 hour nap.

Likewise, April put on a forced smile of her own, mimicked the stupid wave thing and returned the greeting with a _“Hey, Donnie!”_ that was way more enthusiastic than it needed to be before saying hi to the rest of them and disappearing into the Dōjō where Splinter was waiting.

Before Raph had a chance to ask what the hell that sorry display was all about, Donnie had cleared his throat and mumbled off an excuse about “ _needing to get back to work”_ before scurrying off like a scared rabbit into the garage.  

He couldn’t really blame Donatello for wanting to make a quick exit; in all fairness, if their positions were reversed, Raph wouldn’t want to be standing there with everyone’s eyes on him either. Asking if he was ok was 1 thing, but seeing looks of pity aimed at him was another.

At 1 point it looked like Mikey was going to comment on their brother’s sudden need to _get back_ to a mystery project that hadn’t existed before April’s arrival, but a quick elbow jab to his side and a glare from Leo shut that down pretty quickly.

Any other time and Raph would’ve been happy that the orange-banded turtle was willing to be quiet for a change; but now he was actually starting to miss the noise- all of this uncomfortable silence was really starting to get on his nerves.

Donnie’s _“project”_ had managed to keep him busy and out of sight just long enough until April’s lesson was almost over, making his reappearance in the common room carrying a box full of junk, just as Casey Jones made his own entrance.

The sound of skates rolling across the concrete bounced off the walls and gave them plenty of heads-up before the teen boy leapt over the turnstiles. There was a loud whoop of joy as Casey nailed a smooth landing on the other-side, pumped his fists in the air and made fake crowd cheering noises as he congratulated himself on his _“daring feat of skill”._

Leo visibly tensed and he and Raph had shared a look from across the room, both of them nodding as they came to a silent agreement;

Turtles _First._

 Casey Jones may have been Raph’s best friend, but Donatello was his brother, and if Jones had any thoughts about rubbing his new relationship with April in Donnie’s face, Raph would personally knock the Hockey players remaining teeth out. 

Raph had even cracked his knuckles in anticipation as he watched Casey swagger over in Donnie’s direction, what happened next though, he still couldn’t process-

 Casey barely glanced at Donatello, but he raised his hand in greeting as he laughed out a _“How’s it hanging, Ostrich-breath?”_ while he made his way towards the sitting area by the TV.

The purple-banded turtle didn’t even bat an eye, “ _Fine, Puck-brain.”_ and just walked on past him to his lab to put his box away, like it was no big deal.

Whatever Raph had been expecting to happen, that sure as shell wasn’t it- judging from the way Leo’s jaw had practically dropped to the floor, it was a safe bet to say he was just as clueless.

The insults had no bite to them. There were no dirty looks, no sharp tones; it was all so… _casual_.   It was like they were back on the Farmhouse again and Casey and Donnie were playing _wrench jockeys_ in the barn, taking turns calling each other names in alphabetical order while they worked on that beat up old Hot Rod*. 

Raph wasn’t an expert or anything, but he was pretty sure that wasn’t how you were normally supposed to act around the guy who just recently snagged your dream girl.

The only explanation he could come up with was that this was somehow that _dream girl’s_ doing;  Even without her psychic powers it had been pretty obvious to April that Casey and Donnie were constantly fighting for her attention when she was around, and it was even more obvious to everyone else that she hated it.  April had never put up with it before and it was doubtful that she was going to start now.  Just because she and Casey were a “ _thing”_ now, that didn’t give him a free-pass to pull anything she considered to be “ _macho-crap”._

Even if April didn’t feel the same about Donnie as he did for her, she was still his friend and it was a pretty safe bet that Casey wouldn’t be getting any over-the-jersey action if she caught him acting like a tool. Raph was thankful for that, enough to consider _not_ teasing Casey about being _“whipped.”_

It took his 2 other brothers a bit longer to come to the same conclusion he had;

Leo had taken it upon himself to stand guard by the Atomic Robo X arcade console. It was half-way between the TV area and Donnie’s lab and gave him the best vantage point if he needed to intervene. Fearless Leader wasn’t being subtle about it either; didn’t even bother trying to pretend he was playing video games. He just blatantly stood there; arms crossed and tried to stare a hole through Casey’s head, ready to strike if the human so much as twitched wrong. _Real smooth._

Mikey hadn’t looked like he was prepared to skewer Casey like Leo was, but he didn’t look like he was going to relax either-

 Donnie was acting strange, Leo was just itching for an excuse to unsheathe his swords and Casey was sprawled out on the bench seat watching TV, completely oblivious to all of it- 

Usually, the youngest turtle was the most laid back and the most talkative, but right then he was almost quiet; huddled up on the far end of the bench and fidgeting in place, eyes wide as his head darted back and forth between Casey, Leo and Donnie’s lab. And all while squeezing 1 of the bench cushions tightly to his chest and biting into it as if it were the only thing keeping him from exploding.

That probably wasn’t far from the truth- Mikey had a special talent for blurting out what everyone else was thinking but had enough common sense _not_ to say at times like this.  Leo had already given him _“that look”_ when April had showed up; that same look he always put on when he was in _Leader-Mode_ and meant business, and as big a goofball as his kid brother was, even Mikey knew better than to ignore that look. 

So as much as the freckled turtle had probably been dying to say something; he used every ounce of willpower he had to keep his big mouth shut, and from the looks of things it had been a pretty intense battle.

Honestly, Raph had been willing to place his money on the pillow… He would have won that wager too if April hadn’t finished up training when she did and walked out into the common area.

Seeing April and knowing that Casey wasn’t likely to try anything in her presence was enough to make Leonardo pull the stick out of his ass.  Seeing that big brother no longer looked like he was ready to turn their friend into human Sashimi*was enough to make Michelangelo take the now very stretched out and slobbered upon cushion out of his mouth. 

Hearing April’s voice greeting Casey was enough to draw Donatello out of his lab just long enough to say goodbye to their friends before they walked through the turnstiles out of the lair and headed topside.

As soon as the happy couple was out of sight, Donatello dropped the “ _everything’s-just-peachy”_ act and his faced shifted from that neutral smile to a look that fell somewhere between sadness and indigestion.

The whole thing was enough to make Raph sick to his stomach.

The 6 of them repeated this awkward routine both Wednesday and Friday; Donnie put on the pleasantries for April, threw some friendly insults at Casey, then went off to his lab or the garage to do some _“work.”_

Each time got a little easier, the second time April’s smile was less forced and by Friday it was genuine. Leonardo had been convinced that Casey wasn’t going to hassle his nerdy brother and for the most part ignored him in favor of actually trying to beat the high score on Atomic Robo X.  Mikey no longer needed a pillow gag and talked Casey’s ears off while they laughed at whatever was on the TV.

Everyone seemed like they were happily moving on, everyone except Donnie.

Each time Casey and April left for home, the purple banded turtle put on that same sad, weird face, like he wanted to find some dark corner where he could just crawl into his shell and die (or throw up), then went back to moping around the lair and sighing.

As for his so called _“projects”,_ that had turned out to be a complete load of _bull;_ Raphael had been more than a little suspicious that his bro suddenly had so much to work on whenever April and Casey dropped by, especially since he didn’t seem to be motivated to do much of anything when they _weren’t_ there.

Donatello’s _“work”_ consisted of random pieces of scrap metal that had been welded together, for no obvious reason that Raph could tell other than Donnie had felt the urge to weld something.  His desk that was usually littered with piles of notes was now covered in papers with scribbles- no numbers or words, just pages and pages worth of black spirals and squiggles. 

Raph had even peeked his head in the lab once and caught his brother just sitting there, leaning over a table, head propped up with one hand, slowly swirling a glass beaker filled with some unknown liquid in the other, and staring mindlessly at nothing.  It was both depressing and a little bit creepy.

 

As much as he wanted his bro back to normal, the red-banded turtle really didn’t want to be the 1 to take charge either; he was hoping that Sensei would step in and set their brother straight.  Their father always seemed to know when something was bugging them and he also always seemed to have something to say about it. Even if whatever that something was wasn’t something they wanted to hear, it was usually something that they needed to.

That was the thing about fatherly wisdom, he supposed; something else Splinter had said about _“the best medicine being bitter_ ” or something like that.

If Splinter _did_ have a talk with Donatello, Raph sure as shell wouldn’t have known about it- none of them would have. Whenever their father decided he needed to have a heart-to-heart with 1 of them, he always did it when they were alone. Maybe he knew that it was easier on _them_ knowing that they didn’t have an audience, or maybe it was just easier for _him_ to say his peace without worrying about 4 sons interrupting him.  Either way, if Splinter and Donatello had a little chat anytime during this past week, it would’ve been kept private so that Donnie could let their father’s words sink in and figure it out for himself.

That was what they all would have expected Splinter to do as their _Father_.  But as their _Sensei_ , he was really throwing them all for a loop;

Ever since they were little, there had never been any doubt that their training in Ninjitsu was serious business that Master Splinter did not take lightly. He had a set routine and nothing short of an alien invasion could break it. (That had happened like, what, 3 times now?)

Morning training began right after breakfast every day, and it started with an excruciating 20 minutes of mandatory meditation (and you had better be on time ‘cuz there was a penalty of 10 extra minutes for every 1 minute you were late), followed by breathing techniques, muscle conditioning exercises, tumbling skills, and a series of both defensive and offensive katas*.

Evening training took place right before dinner, and was mostly weapons practice and sparring. If you didn’t bring your _“A-Game”_ to evening training, you could bet your shell Sensei wasn’t going to let you go out on patrol that night.

Their training wasn’t just a part of their Father’s heritage; it was what kept them alive. Splinter was pretty strict in the Dōjō, and as they got older he was less and less likely to cut them any slack…

At least, that’s how it used to be before April and Casey hooked up.

Maybe Splinter was getting older, or maybe something about Donatello’s situation struck a personal chord with him, Raph wasn’t really sure. All he DID know was that his purple-banded brother seemed to be getting a _“free-pass”_ which was completely messed up!

Well, maybe _“free-pass”_ was a bit much, he seriously doubted Sensei would have put up with anyone showing up late or not at all, and fortunately Donnie was smart enough not to push his luck in that department.  But he was still getting off pretty easy.

Donnie didn’t meditate so much as he sat there and stared at his feet while sitting in the Lotus position* (Ok, most of the time Raph and Mikey didn’t really do much meditation either, but at least they always made the effort to _look_ like they were), and he was half-assing it through every exercise, moving at a snail’s pace. It was embarrassing to watch.

Splinter said nothing.

Rather than going through their typical katas* or even trying to learn anything new, Sensei had them spend the week going over the most basic kamae* they knew over and over again. Shell, _April_ was doing more advanced forms than them at this point.

 Donatello should have been able to do each pose in his sleep. But his mind seemed to be elsewhere, his form was sloppy, his footing was off, and it looked like he just plain didn’t give a damn.

Splinter saw it all, but didn’t bother to correct him.

Sparring was a joke.  Not that Donnie had ever been able to give Raph much of a fight before, but now he wasn’t even trying. Usually Raph relished the feel of pinning his brainy bro on the mat; there was just something _oh so_ satisfying about watching the techno-geek squirm under the weight of him sitting on his shell, listening to him huff in annoyance before he finally gave up.

But for the past week that joy was gone; there was no spark in Donnie’s strikes, his movements had no heart in them. There was no determination in his eyes to finally wipe that smug look off Raph’s face. And when he went down he didn’t even bother to struggle to get back up. Just laid there, completely submissive as he quietly tapped out.

Splinter remained silent, and it was driving Raph nuts!

It wasn’t even so much that Sensei was ignoring it either. He was watching Donatello almost the whole time; just staring at him while stroking his beard just like he does whenever he’s in deep thought. Rather than tell Donnie off for his lack-luster performance, it looked like he was studying him, as if he were waiting for… _Something._

Raph wished his father would clue the rest of them in about whatever that _something_ was, but it didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon.

While he wasn’t openly admonishing their brother over the poor quality of practice, Master Splinter had made it clear that until Donatello was himself again, they were _all_ forbidden from going topside.  

That was totally unfair, and Raph had said as much, _loudly_. But master Splinter had said the matter was not open for discussion, (not as loudly but with a heck of a lot more force).  Until Donnie got over this emotional hump of his, they were all under-grounded.

Injustice, that’s what it was.  Raph could understand why Sensei didn’t want Donnie going on patrol, but why did he have to bench the rest of them?  The Purple Dragons were out there, strutting around like they owned the streets, the Foot Clan was doing who knows what, and the 4 of them were stuck at home just because their resident nerd was having _“troubles of the heart.”_

The only _real_ troubles that Raph saw was his bro being a drama queen while everyone else coddled him!

Nothing had changed by April and Casey getting together and the 2 of them made it clear that nothing was _going_ to change; their human friends were still a part of their lives, April was still going to train with Master Splinter 3 times a week and make time to hang out with the rest of them, Casey was still going to be right there to help them kick butt.  Just because those 2 were going to be spending more quality time together outside the lair, it didn’t mean it was going to take anything away from their time with the rest of them.

Plus, it’s not like they were making _kissy-faces_ at each other or anything, Raph would have gagged if they started doing that.  The most _lovey-dovey_ thing their human friends had done was hold hands, and that was usually after they had gone through the turnstiles on their way out.

Donnie was being a big, whiney baby over nothing!

This had been 1 lousy week filled with awkward silences, kiddie training, and his whole family walking around on eggshells.

As far as Raph was concerned, a week was more than enough time for someone to finish feeling sorry for themselves.

A week had also been enough time for him to come up with a plan to snap his bro out of it;

 

Raph was no stranger to dealing with difficult feelings; in his experience he’d found the best way to overcome a painful emotion was to replace it with a more powerful emotion, and he just so happened to have 1 in mind.

His bros called him the _“turtle with the temper”,_ but half of the time Donatello could have just as short a fuse as he did.  The major differences were that the brainy turtle preferred to use words before resorting to fists, that and his bursts of anger tended to fizzle out quicker.   But Raph didn’t need very long; just a few moments would do.

All he had to do was push the right buttons and Donatello would forget all about his depression over April. He’d get everything out of his system in one huge bang, realize he’d been acting like a selfish idiot, and then go back to his usual geeky self.

 Ok, so maybe pissing off his bro wasn’t the _best_ plan he could’ve come up with, but it was a heck of a lot more than anybody else seemed to be willing to do.

At this point, it’s not like things could get any worse.

                 

 

Raphael waited until evening training; There was no place for Donnie to hide and sulk in the Dōjō, and since their father always paired them together for sparring, his bro would have no way of avoiding him.

 

The 4 turtles kneeled before their Sensei, diligently awaiting his instruction as they had been taught, Leonardo and Michelangelo off to 1 side and Raphael and Donatello off to the other.

Splinter regarded them all silently for a moment before his firm voice filled the room;

 “Yoi.”*

All 4 of them rose to a standing positon in unison.

“Otagai ni taishi.”*

Without hesitation Raphael and Donatello turned on the spot so that they were now facing 1 another, Leonardo and Michelangelo did the same.

“Rei.”*

Leonardo and Michelangelo bent down low in a respectful bow to each other.  Donatello didn’t go nearly as low, in fact, his body was only barely tilted forward. If it wasn’t for the fact that his face was pointed at the floor, Raphael might have thought his brother was refusing to bow at all. (As _if_ , Raph was the rebellious 1, not him.)

Head down, standing feet together and bending at the waste slightly in a small bow of his own, Raph let his eyes glance over to where Sensei was standing at the center of the room, waiting for him to give the signal to begin and taking 1 last moment to think about the plan he was about to put in motion.

He had to do this carefully, certain language was NOT acceptable in the Dōjō or around Master Splinter in general, and their father had scary good hearing.

“HAJIME!”* The verbal command filled the room and brought all 4 turtles out of their bows and into a ready stance.

 

Spinning both sai so that the tsuka* were facing forward with the tapered shaft pressed along the insides of his arms, Raph began to slowly circle around the purple-banded turtle.

 “Ready to do this, cream-puff?”

All he got in response was a roll of his brother’s eyes before he half-heartedly started to twirl his bō in front of him, hand over hand, and mirrored Raph’s circling.  Donnie knew Raph was only trying to egg him on and he wasn’t falling for it;

Taunting to try to goad the other into making a hasty attack was actually considered a good strategy; it was their choice on whether or not they allowed their opponents words to become weapons, a little taunting here and there could be seen as a test of the other’s self-control. But their father would only allow it to go so far; they were brothers, not enemies, and the point of their sparring sessions was to learn from each other.

If Sensei thought Raphael was being too mean too quickly, he would be silenced and the match would be ended on default.  If Raph wanted to see this through, he was going to have to ease into it slowly and build his way up; he could chalk this up to another lesson in patience.

 _Patience_ , that was something the red-banded turtle knew he had more of at the moment. Donnie hadn’t been in any mood for sparring all week and just wanted to get the match over with, but Raph wasn’t about to give him that satisfaction and he held his defensive position. If Donnie wanted the session to end sooner than later, _he_ was going to have to make the first move.

Raph jerked his head back ever so slightly to gesture the bō wielder forward.

“Come on, take your best shot.”

As he expected, the nerd was lacking any real drive and came at him with the most basic of downward strikes- just because the brainy turtle had 8 inches on him, he always seemed to think he could get some sort of advantage by striking down at Raph’s head. Predictable.

Bringing his right arm up so his forearm was over his head in a block, there was a clack of wood against steel as the bō struck ineffectively against the shaft of his sai. Taking advantage of his bro’s slow reaction time, Raph used the pommeled end of the sai in his free arm to give Donnie a quick jab to the unprotected bridge* of his brother’s shell that he’d left open on his right side. Though it wasn’t so much of a jab as it was a teasing poke to point out his brother’s foolish mistake.

Egghead seemed to think he could pull the same stunt and brought the lower end of his bō forward and up to try to hit his bro’s exposed side as well.

In 1 fluid motion, Raph spun the sai in his right hand so that the point was now forward as he brought his arm down to block before the hit could connect. Catching the staff in 1 of his prongs, he lifted up and pushed it away to the left as far as he could, forcing Donnie to turn his back to him to follow along with it.

Sliding his weapon free and making use of the momentum, Raph spun on his heels and was able to use the butt-end of the sai in his left hand to land a solid back-fisted strike right in the center of Donnie’s shell. The purple-banded turtle yelped in pain as he stumbled forward to try and regain his balance.

Raph knew that had to hurt. Their shells were attached directly to their spines and they felt every blow. The hard keratin might protect their torsos from bruises, but as far as being considered “armor” it was just as effective as a fingernail protecting a thumb from being smashed by a hammer.

“ _Seriously?_   How did you _NOT_ see that coming?”

There was laughter in his voice- that was the key to staying off Splinter’s radar. As long as he didn’t sound mad or like he was being accusatory, he could get away with _“poking fun”_ at his bro for not having his head in the game.

If the steaming glare Donatello had fixed on him was anything to go by, Raphael now had his full attention, and he shrugged the dirty look off with a friendly smile.

 “Maybe we outta’ save some time and just paint a Bulls-Eye on you shell”

“Back _off_ Raph”

“Who’s gonna’ make me, _you?”_  He couldn’t help it as his friendly smile shifted into a smirk.

Donnie didn’t have anything to say to that, he only narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip on his staff. They both knew just how likely it was that he could make Raph do anything.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. “

Donnie huffed out in annoyance and went forward to try again. Raph spun his right sai back so the handle was facing outwards once more as he anticipated his bro’s attack.

So far so good; picking at Donnie’s faults in the Dōjō wasn’t anything new, maybe he was being a bit harsher than he normally would, but still it wasn’t anything the genius couldn’t brush off.   That was fine; these little bruises to his bro’s ego were only meant to soften him up anyway.

 

Still intent on paying the red-banded turtle back for the _“love tap”_ on his bridge, Donnie shifted his weight forward on his right foot as he swung his bō in a horizontal strike at Raph’s left side. Raph knew it was a feint, and sure enough as soon as he’d twisted his torso to bring his right arm in to block the attack on the left, Donatello lifted his staff up, around and back down on the other side to go for a second horizontal strike aimed at the side Raphael had left exposed on his right.

No such luck. The sai-wielder easily brought his right arm back down in time to deflect the attack. The block cause the wood to bounce off the metal and Donnie used that momentum to bring his bō back up across his body in a diagonal path before bringing it back down again towards the left side of Raph’s skull.

Bringing his left arm inside and up, the emerald-skinned turtle was able to use the shaft of the sai against his arm to stop the bō in its tracks and keep it pushed away from his head. Just as before, he spun the sai in his right to the offensive position, only instead of going for another poke at the side that his bro had once again left wide open, he stabbed the pointed tip upwards at olive turtle’s face.

Donnie made the tiniest squeak of surprise as he ducked his head to 1 side. It saved him from his bro’s impromptu attempt at giving him a lip piercing, but it also put him off balance enough for Raph to deliver a swift kick to his right hip, sending him stumbling backwards.

It was all Raph could do to hold in a laugh as Donnie pin-wheeled one arm in a clumsy attempt to stay upright before he was finally able to regain his footing.

“Just once do you think you could try to _not_ be such a push-over? I’m falling asleep here.”

Donatello’s cheeks heated up with indignation.

“Just once do you think we could do this without _you_ being a total _jerk_?”  He was getting snarky now, that was a good sign.

Raph’s smirk faltered for maybe half a second as he risked a quick glance over to where Splinter was standing, his attention divided between the 2 sets of turtles sparring. His focus wasn’t going to be divided much longer.

Sensei wasn’t going to like this, _Shell_ , HE wasn’t going to like this, but if his plan was going to work, he was needed to hit where it hurts, and there was really only 1 scab he could pick at;

“Hey, I’m not the one holding this team back because I’m too busy crying over losing my _girlfriend_ ”

Indignation was replaced with shock.  The purple-banded turtle had gotten back into a striking position but the sheer gall of Raph’s comment had thrown him off guard.

“E- _Excuse_ me?!”  Stuttering; _now_ they were getting somewhere- time to switch to offense.

With both sai now pointed forward, Raph advanced; slashing both arms inwards in a sideways arc that had the bō-wielder retreating backwards and away from the red-banded turtle’s sudden onslaught.

“Bet you wish you weren’t so smart, maybe then you coulda’ been the 1 to get nice and cozy with April and a math book.”

 _That_ brought the spark of aggression back into Donatello’s eyes and he whipped his bō outwards and down with a hard smack against the ground at Raphael’s feet. The sai-wielder was only barely able to jump up and out of way before his toes were crushed.

“You’re _delusional_!” Swinging his staff back up he tried to catch Raph back up-side the head while he was still air-borne.  He was seconds too slow and Raphael brought both of his sai up in an X to catch the bō and push it back as he leapt away.

Now that he was no longer the turtle being pushed back, Donatello pursued his bro’s retreating form. With each stride forwards he brought 1 end of his staff forward and then the other, determined to get a horizontal strike on either of Raph’s sides.

Rather than blocking the attacks, Raph focused on side stepping. He wasn’t done with his verbal assault yet and didn’t need the noise of wood on metal drowning him out.

“Admit it..,” _-dodge to the right_ , “I’m kicking your shell right now…“ - _dodge to the left,_ “and all you can think about…” _–another dodge to the right,_ “…is whether or not April and Casey take breaks to suck face while she’s tutoring him on Trig.”

“I AM NOT!”

This time Raph chose to duck down to avoid a hard swipe at his head.  Rolling off to the side and out of Donatello’s reach, he jumped back up to his feet and bounced playfully from foot to foot as he gave his bro a minute to catch his breath.

He didn’t have to wait long. Donatello was back into his ready position, twirling his staff in front of him as he contemplated Raphael.  The gears turning in his head were almost audible. He had figured out what Raph was trying to do and now was equally determined not to give in.

That was just fine; Raph enjoyed a challenge.

They both charged each other at the same time, Donnie’s bō shot out in a forward thrust aimed at Raph’s middle, only to be caught and lifted up and away with the prong of a sai.

“You can’t stand it, can you? The 2 of them, alone together…”

Following the trajectory of his staff, Donnie spun around, bringing his bō with him and upwards to lash out with a horizontal back strike at Raph’s head. Blocking with his left sai, the red-banded turtle brought his right elbow up and barely missed Donnie’s cheek before twisting away.

“…They’re probably having a little 1 on 1 session of their own right _now_.”

Rushing forward to assume the role of the aggressor again, Raph tried for a combo of jabs, 1 at Donnie’s face and 1 aimed at his middle. Both were effectively blocked as Donatello held his staff vertically to the floor.  He was refusing to let Raph take control of the situation again, but he was panting hard now;

 “Will you just stop-“

Pushing both sai off and away, he took one step back to give himself room to bring his staff up and around before-

“Of course, I bet homework isn’t the _only_ thing April gives Casey a _hand_ with after school..”

Donnie froze in mid-strike and for a moment Raph thought his bro’s eyes might pop out of his head.

 It probably wasn’t so much Raph’s innuendo, but the fact that he’d been bold enough to suggest something so crude within earshot of their Sensei- a chivalrous man who had begun to see their human friend as an adopted daughter of sorts.

There was no doubt Splinter would make him pay dearly for that comment, but it would be worth it (hopefully); Raph’s sheer amount of gall had made his brother hesitate, and that was a big mistake that would cost him.

Keeping his arms in tight, the sai-wielder rushed in from 1 side, bringing his body low and feinting a leg sweep. Genius fell for the fake-out and brought his staff down for a diagonal lower block just as Raph pulled back the kick and raised himself up, turning inwards so that now he was directly in front of his brother.

Not giving his bro any time to shift the length of his staff through his grip to give himself any distance, Raphael lunged forward, arms shooting out from their tucked position at his sides, the tips of both sai aimed at the dead center of Donatello’s plastron. The maneuver forced the purple banded turtle to step back, only having time enough to hold his bō out in a horizontal block.

Raph had Donnie exactly where he wanted him now, and he was sure that the shit-eating-grin on his face told his bro the same thing.  While the block had stopped the forward momentum of the attack and kept the pronged weapons from impaling the brainy turtle, the center length of the bō was now caught between the yoku* of each sai, a simple twist of Raph’s wrists and he had the wooden staff securely locked in place, removing any hope Donnie might have of pulling his weapon away.

Even if Donatello tried to use his height to gain himself leverage it would do him no good. Raph may have been shorter but he was also stronger, always had been and always would be. He could end the match right here and now; it would only take a quick jerk of his arms to the side, one over the over, and he could spin the staff right out of his brother’s hands. Or, if Donnie was too stubborn to let go, which seemed more likely, he’d be spun right along with his bō and flipped to the side, winded and ready to be pinned, leaving Raphael the winner as usual.

But Raph wasn’t ready for his bro to lose the match just yet- he needed him to lose his _cool_ first.

Donatello wasn’t used to his hot headed brother drawing out their sparring sessions like this, usually the older turtle liked taking him down quickly so he could move on to their more challenging brother in blue. The only reason Donnie wasn’t on his back right now was because Raph was toying with him and they both knew it. He was rubbing salt in the wound and that knowledge had the bō-wielder looking more livid by the minute.

Raph took an agonizingly slow step forward, feeling smug as he crowed further into the other’s space. In response, Donnie bent his knees to lower his center of gravity and shifted 1 leg behind him to try and give himself an anchor in a desperate attempt to keep from being pushed back any farther.

 Beads of sweat were rolling down the sides of his head from the prolonged exertion that he hadn’t felt in days, staining his mask a darker purple. He could only grit his teeth and grunt in protest as the stronger turtle pushed down on his weapon, forcing him to lower down with it unless he wanted to leave his chest exposed. As a result, the 2 were now eye level, their faces only inches apart.

Raph lifted his chin high so he could look down at his bro’s struggles, grinning as he noticed olive green arms were starting to tremble from the effort of holding him at bay.

The egghead could handle a little salt; it was time to pour on the lemon-

“Must be embarrassing; April’s off playing with Casey’s Hockey-Stick while you can’t even get your own staff up.”

Brown eyes snapped open impossibly wide and Raph felt his body suddenly lurch forward as Donatello threw himself backwards, pulling them both off balance and bringing his back leg up for a forward snap kick right to Raph’s exposed abdomen, his longer legs giving him a deep impact.

Raph hadn’t been expecting such a bold move from his usually predictable younger brother and his lock on the bō loosened, allowing the weapon to slip free as gravity carried the leaner turtle down to the ground. He had to take several backward steps of his own to regain balance in order to keep from doing the same.

Without missing a beat, Donatello rocked back on his shell and used the momentum to kick himself back up to his feet in a single motion before charging forward.  Raphael hadn’t had enough time to regain his footing and had he blinked, he would’ve missed seeing the olive and purple blur wildly swinging his staff like a baseball bat. There was a loud, resounding _crack_ as wood connected against the keratin of a plated stomach.

The world seemed to slow to a crawl; Raphael was only barely aware of dropping his sai as he clutched his middle protectively. Having the wind knocked out of him and tasting bile at the back of his throat, he looked up just in time to see the snarl that twisted Donatello’s face before the now splintered half of the bō was spun down and the intact end slid through his grip like a pool-cue in an upward thrust that shot straight into the underside of red-banded turtle’s chin hard enough to whip his head back against his shell.

For 2 whole seconds Raphael’s vision went black save for a burst of stars and time sped back up again as he hit the mat with a thud on his carapace.

He was down. For the first time in his life his nerdy brother had actually managed to knock him off his feet and he didn’t know if he should be angry or impressed.

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, he took a deep breath which, to his dismay, sounded an awful lot like a groan. It took a minute or 2 for the room to feel like it had stopped spinning and when he opened his eyes again his was greeted by the sight of 2 panicked faces in orange and blue masks.

Judging by the sound of heavy footsteps in the distance and his Father’s angry shouts, Donatello had marched himself out of the Dōjō as soon as Raph had hit the floor. The far off sound of a metal sliding door slamming shut confirmed his bro had decided to ignore their Sensei’s demands and locked himself in his lab.

The stunned silence that filled the room was only broken by a frightened whisper from the youngest,

“….Holy Chalupa.”

 

Not having anything particularly witty to add to that, Raph forced himself up into a sitting position and tried to ignore the painful throbbing on his chin. Less concerned over the ache in his gut, he focused instead on kneading his hand over the back of his neck- he was sure he’d be feeling the full effects of shell-lash tomorrow, but for now it was sore but bearable.

   His plan had worked; he had gotten the genius well and truly pissed.

…And now it felt like things had gotten so much worse.

 

 

 ** _To Be Continued_** as soon as I’m happy with the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Kunnoichi is a female Ninja, seriously if you’ve been watching the show you should really know this by now.
> 
> * Hot rod is an older term for a fast car used for street racing. (In case English is not your first language)
> 
> * Sashimi is a Japanese delicacy consisting of very fresh raw meat or fish sliced into thin pieces.
> 
> * Lotus position is a cross-legged sitting position for meditation, with the feet resting on the thighs.
> 
> * Kata literally means “form” it is a martial arts term that refers to the exercise of training your body to memorize positions of blocks, punches, kicks, etc.
> 
> * Kamae means posture or combat stance.
> 
> * Yoi is the command to be “ready” or stand at attention.
> 
> * Otagai ni taishi is the command to “Face each other.”
> 
> * Rei is the command to “bow with respect” In a Dōjō, you are expected to bow to your opponents before starting a match. It is poor manners not to do so.
> 
> * Hajime is the command to “begin”
> 
> * Tsuka is the handle of a sai.
> 
> * The Bridges are the sides of a turtle’s shell between the plastron (the front/belly) and the carapace (the back). In this case, it refers to the part of the shell that covers the turtle’s between their armpit and their hip.
> 
> * Yoku is the name for the 2 side guards of the sai, also called the wings or the side prongs.


	3. That's Amore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place a whole minute after where the last chapter left off. There’s a new trick with the dialogue; if you see “this” and “this” on the same line (not in a paragraph), it means 2 or more people are talking at the same time. Why? Because I’m lazy. There I said it, happy? But… if enough people comment that it is bothersome I will go back and change it. A * indicates notes at the end, so prepare to be educated.
> 
> (WARNING! There will be crude language and suggestive themes mentioned in this chapter, but if you’d paid any attention to the rating, you would be aware of this by now. So yeah, deal with it.)

 

As a ninja, there were many advantages to being a turtle instead of human;

They could hold their breath for long periods of time, which came in handy if you were stalking the enemy by hiding under water.  They had shells that were great for tucking their softer limbs into in order to avoid dismemberment via katana*.  Their skin didn’t produce any kind of natural oil that left fingerprints or caused acne (unless you were dumb enough to sprinkle experimental mutagen on yourself like a certain turtle with nunchaku)*.

But the best advantage had to be the flexibility of their turtle necks, which was very handy if, for some reason, they decided it would be a good idea to piss-off their bro, and if said bro decided to take a shot at their head like it was an 8-Ball into the corner pocket.*

Raphael loved being a turtle.

 

He was pretty sure that, at the worst, he was going to walk away with a bad neck sprain. He was also pretty sure that if he didn’t get his butt off the Dōjō floor soon, his oldest and younger brothers were going to have a panic-attack.

Master Splinter seemed to disagree with him though, and before he could even start to get to his feet he felt the familiar, warm sensation of paw-like hands on his shoulders.

“Be still, my son.”

Raph needed to figure out how his father was able to get across the room in the blink of an eye without making a sound; it was creepy but awesome.

In a voice far more scratchy than he thought it should have been, Raph tried to brush off his father’s examination,

“Sensei, I don’t need-“

“ _Hush_ ”

 The order was spoken softly, but it was an order none the less and Raph remained still as his father kneeled down and carefully examined him for serious injury.   

Splinter’s 4 fingered hands were firm but soft as they traced the bruise forming on Raphael’s chin, careful not to add too much pressure as he checked for any sign of fracture to the bone. A second cautious hand lightly hovered over the back of his neck, checking his ki* points from the base of his skull and down his spine, to make sure there was nothing more severe than whiplash. Just because Raph had been able to sit up on his own didn’t mean Splinter wasn’t worried about neck injury.

Once the rat was certain that there was no great risk in doing so, he gently tilted his son’s head back so that he could look into his eyes.

“Close your eyes for a count of 3, then open them.”

Raph sighed but did as he was told.  Counting to 3 slowly in his head before re-opening his green eyes to look into his father’s reddish-brown.   Splinter nodded his head, pleased with the way the turtle’s eyes had contracted and dilated, alleviating any fears of a concussion.  And the small sigh of relief he allowed to show told Raph that his father _had_ been afraid, even if just for a moment.

Raph hated whenever his Sensei fussed over him. Not that he didn’t _appreciate_ the concern over his well-being; he just hated seeing Splinter worried. His father had always been a strong, reassuring figure and seeing him even a little shaken up was just… _wrong_.

Plus, Leo and Mikey were right _there_ , watching the whole thing, which was just plain embarrassing.

“Are you light-headed, my son? Do you feel ill at all?”

“Sensei, I’m _FINE!”_    Mostly fine, anyway, at least his voice sounded less strained now.  He just wanted to get up off the floor already.

“Good-“

The muscles in his right arm all seemed to spasm then seize up tight, each nerve screaming like tiny pinpricks with hot needles as Master Splinter pinched a pressure point in the red-banded turtle’s shoulder.  Apparently the tender moment of fussing was over-

“I _never_ want to hear such _higo*_ from your mouth again! UNDERSTOOD?” 

He pinched a tad harder for emphasis.

“HAI!* Sensei, Ha _-iiiii!”_

 Fortunately, Splinter didn’t let him squeal like a girl for long. Releasing his son from the pressure hold, he calmly rose to his feet and folded his hands behind his back while Raphael tried to rub some relief into his still aching arm.

Walking past the sore turtle on the ground, Splinter made his way towards the Dōjō exit. He paused a moment, turning his head slightly to the side to regard his other 2 sons;

“Leonardo, Michelangelo; Help your brother up.” There were no protests as Leo and Mikey each took a side and wrapped 1 of Raph’s arms over their own shoulders, slowly easing him back on his feet before waiting further instruction.

Their father wasn’t looking at any of them now, and from the rigid posture in his back it was easy to tell that his priorities were now focused on another turtle.

“Take him into the kitchen and give him some ice. I must go and have a _word_ with Donatello.”

          “ _Hai,_ Sensei”     “ _Hai_ , Sensei”

With that, Splinter calmly left the Dōjō and made his way across the lair to the shut door of Donatello’s lab where the purple-banded turtle was no doubt still fuming inside.

Raph kept quiet and didn’t bother to struggle as his brothers escorted him into the kitchen; he was too busy trying to look at his own steps and _not_ watch his father knock swiftly on the metal sliding door before entering his brainy brother’s sanctuary. 

He hadn’t _meant_ for Donnie to get in trouble, the possibility never even crossed his mind when he was coming up with this stupid plan.

 

Once they were in the kitchen and Splinter was far out of sight, Raph felt secure enough to wrench out of his brother’s hold before plopping down on 1 of the stools by the large rectangular metal box they used for a kitchen table (it wasn’t really a box, he thinks Donnie once told him it was a plenum*? It had something to do with the furnace maybe? Or gas, or _whatever_. He hadn’t really been paying attention.)

Leo tried to place a comforting hand on his shoulder but he removed it quickly when Raph glowered in his direction.

“I’m _FINE_ , alright? Lay off!”  If nothing else, at least he _sounded_ like himself again.

 Leaning over and folding his arms on the table, Raph contemplated a rather _not-so-interesting_ stain on the metal surface. He was sore, embarrassed, and now, of all things, feeling _guilty_.  He hoped his bros would just take the hint and leave him be.

No such luck.

Mikey and Leo had grown immune to their bro’s sour moods years ago and weren’t going to be dissuaded from being _“helpful”_ so easily. The blue-banded turtle stayed by Raph’s side , glancing him over for his own assessment of his physical condition while his brother in orange slid across the kitchen floor, skidding to a halt in front of the refrigerator before throwing the freezer door wide open;

“Ice-cream-kitty! We need an ice-pack, STAT!”

He got a _“Mrow”_ in response as the tiny half melted ice-cream cat mutant handed him what was requested before the door was slammed back shut.  Spinning around with a flourish, Mikey all but flung himself across the table to present the ice-pack to his grumpy brother with an out-stretched hand.

Raph cringed and, not for the first time, wished Donnie would make them a second ice-box. Everything Mikey’s pet touched ended up being sticky.  

He really didn’t want to put anything with Neapolitan* paw prints on it against his face, but the blue-eyed puppy-dog look he was getting from the turtle in front of him, as well as the impatient tapping from the turtle still off to his side, reminded him he didn’t really have much of a choice.

Mumbling out a small _“thanks”_ Raph begrudgingly took the proffered ice-pack and gingerly held it against his chin.  Mikey was pleased enough with himself for being able to _“help”_ his injured brother that he didn’t notice the emerald skinned turtle try to hide a wince before bringing his other hand up to knead at the back of his neck.  Leo noticed everything.

“Is your neck okay? Do you want me to try to use Reiki*?” He sounded genuinely concerned.

Raph didn’t know why everyone was being so overdramatic; Donnie got a lucky shot in but he was _fine_ , why couldn’t they just get over it already?

Raphael turned his head as much as his sore neck would allow in order to fix Leonardo with the best glare he could manage at the moment.

“You can keep your _hands_ to yourself; I told you I’m _fine_. Stop making such a big deal-”

“DUDE!”  -of course Mikey couldn’t keep from throwing his 2 cents in, “Donnie _totally_ knocked you on your shell, you got _spanked_ big time!”

A low, warning growl from Raph’s throat was enough to snap Mikey’s mouth shut.

“It was a _lucky-shot,_ got it?”

Fearless Leader was less than impressed. He raised a skeptical eye-ridge and crossed his arms over his plastron, a good sign he was readying himself for a long talk that Raph wasn’t going to enjoy in the least.

“ _Lucky shot,_ r-i-i-i-i-ght.  So do you wanna’ tell us what that was all about?” 

 Leo may not have had their father’s keen hearing, but he didn’t need it to know that whatever had set their bō-wielding brother off; Raph had been the cause of it. And as _“Team Leader”_ it was his job to butt into everyone else’s business.   As if Raph wasn’t in _enough_ pain.

“I don’t need you riding my shell about this, _Leo_ , it’s not that big a deal-“

“ _Really?_ That bruise growing on you _face_ looks like a _big deal_. Donnie storming out of the Dōjō certainly looks like a _big deal_ -“

“Yeah, bro, what did you say to him?”  Seeing Raph’s anger redirected at their oldest brother always managed to give Mikey his courage back.  

“-I don’t think I’ve _ever_ seen D so mad before, like, EVER! He looked madder than the time I used his laptop for a pizza plate, or the time I was trying to help him mix stuff for the retro-mutagen without asking, or the time that I accidently put my T-Phone in the microwave, or the time that I-“

         “WE GET IT!”   “WE GET IT!”

Raph groaned in frustration.  He did _not_ want to have this conversation, but the odds of his bros dropping the issue anytime soon were about as likely as the Shredder baking cookies for a local homeless shelter.

Glancing down at the table again so he wouldn’t have to meet his brother’s eyes, the red-banded turtle wondered just how much detail he actually needed to go into; Leo and Mikey probably didn’t need to know the parts about him suggesting April was giving after school hand-jobs, or that Donnie suffered from _“limp dick syndrome”._

“I… _might’ve_ been hassling him about still being jealous over Casey and April.”

That was the gist of it, anyway; short, simple and straight to the point. More than enough information for Leo and Mikey to piece together what had happened… and apparently enough to make them gape at him like he’d grown a second head-

“ _WHY_ would you say something like that? What were you thinking?!”

“Dude… mega _harsh_!”

Slamming the ice-pack down hard on the table, Raph raised his head to scowl at both his blue and orange-banded brothers. He already knew that they wouldn’t understand, but that didn’t mean he was going to just sit there and let them rip into him like this.

“I was _thinking_ that Donnie’s been moping around like Sally-Sad-Sack for the past week and _somebody_ needed to do _something_ to snap him out of it!”

Leonardo’s eyes narrowed back at Raph. 

 “And that was the best you could come up with? Ticking him off?”

“It’s a lot better’n anything _you’ve_ come up with”

Leo was practically in his face now, his eyes wild at the accusation.

 “And what is _that_ supposed to mean?!”

Raph rose from his seat so that he and Leo were eye level; if _Fearless_ wanted to start something he was welcome to it, but he wasn’t going to be looking down on him while he did it.

“The 4 of us should be topside, keeping the streets safe from scuzz-buckets- doing our _job_. Instead, we’re _stuck_ down here while Donnie’s feeling sorry for himself and all _you’ve_ done is baby him!”  He practically spat out that last part and it was enough to back Leo up out of his space.

“I’m not _babying_ him!”

Raph snorted at the weak reply, “Oh puh- _lease_ , you’ve been tip-toeing around him for days. I’m surprised you haven’t tried bottle-feeding him yet.”

Leo balked at that; if Raph thought his bro was looking at him like he grew a second head before; he probably had a Kraang sticking out of his stomach now.

“What _exactly_ do you expect me to do?! He’s having an emotional crisis right now; we have to be delicate about this… Donnie’s… he’s…”

“… a wimp?” Raph offered.

Leo’s eyes narrowed again, his fluster replaced by annoyance.

“I was going to say _sensitive_.”

Raph smirked at that.  “Same thing.”

The blue-banded turtle grit his teeth and took a calming breath. Raph was trying to divert from the issue by getting under his skin and they both knew it.  If past experience was anything to go by, Leo would try to pull out the ole’ _“I’m the rational older brother that understands but who knows better than you do”_ routine any second now;

“Look, I get what you’re saying and I don’t like waiting around anymore than you do…,”

Yup, right on schedule.

 “But Donnie needs _time_ -“ 

“ _TIME?_ Seriously? It’s been more than a week, Leo, just how much _time_ does he need?”

Raph wasn’t sure if he felt pleased or disappointed in the exasperated expression Leo was giving him now; it looked like _Big Brother_ was just as much at a loss as he was.   The fact that even Leonardo didn’t have some sort of plan for this mess just made the whole thing seem to suck even more.

“I don’t know, _ok_?  I just know you can’t rush things… it’s like…” Leo made a broad, rolling gesture with his hands, struggling to grasp for just the right words.

“…like-“

“It’s like baking pizza!”

The 2 older turtles were stuck speechless by this; all anger forgotten for the time being, they slowly turned their heads to focus on the youngest with matching looks of confusion on their faces.

          “Huh?”  “Huh?”

At some point while they had been yelling at each other, Mikey had pulled out 2 slices of left-over pizza that he had been saving for dessert later tonight, and was now holding each slice up in 1 hand like he was balancing them in on a scale.

“Ok, so check this out; on the _left_ we have a thin-crust pepperoni, sausage and bacon with chocolate sprinkles-” He held his left hand a bit higher so that his bros could see the slice in all its glory,

  “-and on the _right_ we have your classic hand-tossed crust with extra cheese, olive, peppers and cucumber.” At that, he lowered his left hand so that the slice in his right would be the most prominent.

Raph and Leo shared a concerned look before nodding at their baby brother to continue.

“So like, here’s the thing; even though both are _totally_ amazing, you have to bake them at different times. The pizza on the right takes longer than the pizza on the left.  If you tried to leave the pizza on the left in the oven as long as the pizza on the right, the crust would get all burnt, the cheese would turn brown and splotchy and the meat would get all dried out...” 

He paused a moment to cast a sympathetic look at the left pizza slice, as if the horror of its possible fate was too much to bear.

“…And if you tried to leave the pizza on the right in the oven only as long as you did the pizza on the left, the dough would still be all soft and kinda soggy inside, all the cheese wouldn’t have melted all the way, and the veggies would still be cold in the middle.”

 He bit his lip as he looked with pity on the hapless slice in his right hand.

“And you can’t just crank the heat up either, I mean, yeah that might speed it up but it’s wa-a-a-a-y easy to overdo it and then you end up with a crust that’s all black on the bottom, rock hard around the edges, the veggies get all shriveled up, and sometimes, like, once, everything catches on fire.”

 With those sage words of wisdom, Mikey looked up at his bros who were both staring agape at his explanation and gave them 1 last knowing nod before stuffing both slices into his mouth.

 

Raph was the first to recover the power of speech.

“What the _fu_ -“

“-I THINK,” Leo interrupted, with a cautious glance back towards the shut lab door, “What Mikey is _trying_ to say is that everyone heals at their own pace, and by trying to rush them, you only end up making things worse.”

Mikey’s mouth was too full to give a verbal response at the moment so he made do with an approving thumbs-up.

Raph sighed in defeat and plopped back down on the stool. Palming his forehead, he dragged his hand down his face in frustration, wincing when he touched his still bruised chin and bit back a few choice words.

This day was getting worse every minute and he didn’t know which stung more; the fact that he couldn’t deny that he had messed up _big time_ , or the fact that Mikey had compared _“getting-over-it”_ to PIZZA, and had actually made _sense…._ Sorta.

Raph _hated_ doing nothing. He was a turtle of action and it killed him to just sit around and wait, especially when it came to his bros.  Usually he was the first 1 to jump in and feed a mouthful of steel to anyone who tried to put the hurt on his family.  Problem was, the thing that was hurting Donnie right now was his own feelings; that wasn’t an enemy Raph could attack to keep his bro safe.

And like the hothead he was, he’d ended up attacking Donnie instead.

He’d screwed up. He knew it, Sensei knew it, Leo knew it, _Shell,_ even _Mikey_ knew it!  The issue now was how the heck was he supposed to _fix_ it?

Cringing at his lack of options, he turned his gaze over to his katana-wielding brother. He wasn’t too thrilled about what he was about to do, but the last time he’d tried coming up with a plan on his own, he’d ended up flat on his back and he wasn’t too eager to repeat the experience.

“So now what? I’m open to suggestions.”

Leo’s eyes widened at hearing his prideful brother ask for help, and just as expected, they filled with a look that said he was _way_ too pleased with himself for the hothead’s liking.  Raph probably wasn’t going to hear the end of this for a long time coming if that smug look on his brother’s stupid face was anything to go by.

Before Leo could play dumb and ask Raph to repeat the question, the lair was filled with the sound of metal sliding against metal as the door to Donatello’s lab opened just wide enough for Master Splinter to step through before closing again.

For some reason his father’s approach filled him with a slight sense of panic. Raph quickly snatched the abandoned ice-pack from the table and pressed it to his face in an effort to show that he had been doing exactly what he had been told.  Leo and Mikey also seemed to feel the need to hide the fact that they’d been talking about their genius brother;

 Leo had leaned himself against the counter by the sink, arms crossed and glancing off to the side, forcing himself to look as casual as possible.  Lame-o-nardo was about as good an actor as the moron Captain on that stupid Space show he liked so much.

Mikey was way more experienced with feigning innocence, (it came with years of pulling pranks and practically getting away with murder just because he was the youngest, the little shit) and he quickly buried his head deep inside the fridge, humming a stupid little song he’d heard on a frozen Pizza TV commercial while he acted like he was pulling out ingredients to make dinner.

Keeping his own eyes down at the weird stain on the table (seriously though, what _was_ that?) Raphael counted his heartbeats as his father entered the kitchen. He didn’t know what happened between Master Splinter and Donnie in the lab, but he was pretty sure Sensei was coming after _him_ now.

The red-banded turtle didn’t need to look up to know his father was right behind him, he could _sense_ his presence, all 190 lbs of raw ninja-butt-kicking power in 1 furry, kimono wearing package.   He held his breath and waited for the sound of his Sensei’s voice commanding him to get up so that they could have a little “ _talk”_ of their own.

…But it never came.

 

The Japanese-man-turned-rat didn’t even look at the turtle waiting at the table for his punishment. In fact, he didn’t spare any of his sons a passing glance as he calmly made his way into the kitchen, pushing aside the noren* that marked the entrance into the Dōjō, and disappeared. 

Raphael let himself breathe again once he heard the decorative shōji* to his Sensei’s room open and slide shut.

He couldn’t be off the hook* _that_ easily.

No, if anything, Master Splinter was probably still thinking about what his punishment should be… Maybe he even _wanted_ Raph to wait, let him stew a little bit; make him nervous.  Waiting for punishment or a lecture was sometimes a lot worse than anything their father could come up with.

If Sensei was playing mind games, it meant Raph was in serious trouble.

Daring to lift his gaze off from the table over to his brothers, he could tell they were thinking the same thing…  Well, Leo was- Mikey was busy slicing up tomatoes for whatever he was planning on putting together for dinner tonight (apparently the knucklehead wasn’t acting after all).

 Ignoring the _way_ too chipper turtle chopping up vegetables (He didn’t care _what_ Donnie said, a tomato is a vegetable, dammit, you wouldn’t put it in a fruit salad, would you? No.) Raph focused his attention on Leo;

The blue-banded turtle was no longer leaning against the counter but he had yet to move from that spot. His body may have been stark still, but his steel-blue eyes were darting between the entrance to the Dōjō and the opening to the common room of the lair, all the way to their brother’s closed lab that lay waiting on the other side.

Raph knew _that_ look, and it was a welcome relief- his brother was assessing the situation and coming up with a plan of action.

 That was just fine with him; let Leo worry about making the plan, just as long as Raph knew where to go and who to hit, he was fine with letting Big Brother stress over the tiny details of how to get from point “A” to point “B”. If anything, it was about time their _Leader_ got his butt into gear on what to do about the _“Donnie situation”._

That had to be what had been bugging Raphael the most about this whole mess;

Splinter had told them to be patient and wait for Donnie to come to them, and Mikey and Leo had a point about their bro needing _“time”,_ even if they didn’t know how much time he needed. Raph was a big enough turtle to admit that it wasn’t fair to expect Donnie to get over April as quickly as he had gotten over Mona Lisa.  (But if Mikey ever compared him to a thin-crusted pizza again, he was gonna’ make him eat his own nunchaku).

But the problem was nobody had been talking about it at _all_. What happened when Donnie finally decided he _did_ want to come to them? What were they supposed to do?  This wasn’t exactly a situation Sensei had prepared them for in ninja training.

Yes, the whole thing was awkward, and yes, he wouldn’t appreciate it if his family was talking about how to _deal_ with _him_ behind _his_ back, and honestly, Raph had no idea how to handle any of it.  He sure as _Shell_ wasn’t going to be the 1 to start the conversation either, what would he even say?

But not doing anything was getting them nowhere fast.

Pushing Donnie’s buttons to try to force him into snapping out of his funk may not have been the brightest idea, but at least it seemed to have clued everybody in that they needed to do _something_ , and that was enough to ease his guilt a little. He’d wanted to get the ball rolling and that’s exactly what he’d done. .. More or less.

 

Now, Leo was going to come up with some crazy plan to get Donnie talking, the nerd would forgive him for being such a _dick_ , Mikey would say something random that would get everybody to lighten up, Splinter would say some old, wise Asian metaphor that would chalk this whole experience up to them learning some valuable morals, or something, and then everything would go back to normal.

Those hopes were quickly deflated however when Leo let out a deep sigh before turning to face his red-banded brother.

They met each other’s  gaze and Raph didn’t like what he saw;

 This wasn’t the confident Leo that had a bold and daring plan that he expected to be carried out without question. ( _Uhgg_ , would he _ever_ get that “Space Loser” garbage out of his head? Damn you, Leo, this is all your fault!)  His shoulders were sagged a bit and he was worrying his lip- if this were a TV show, this would probably the part where a foreboding violin would start to play in the background instead of Mikey chopping up vegetables.

(Wait, are you _supposed_ to chop up ears of corn? Don’t they just peal or something?)

 This Leo was hesitant, he was about to _wing it*_ and Raph had the distinct impression he was about to be thrown under the bus.

Nodding his head towards the general direction of the lab, Leo spoke slowly and a bit too loud considering Raph was only sitting a few feet away from him;

“Maybe you should _go_ ask Donnie to check you over…” He gestured towards the lab again, as if Raph didn’t know where their purple-banded brother would be.

“…You know, just to make sure everything’s _OK?_ ”

Raph could’ve done without all the nodding and gesturing, he could take a hint.   _Shell_ , if Leo was any _less_ subtle he’d be seen from space…

“Dude, for _real_?  Don’t you think Raph should, I dunno’, apologize or something first?”

…Or not.

Leonardo let out another deep sigh as he looked over his shoulder at their baby brother;

Michelangelo had paused in his chopping of a random assortment of vegetables (What the heck is that dark purple squash looking thing supposed to be?! _Screw it_ , from now on _he_ gets to review the grocery list before they hand it over to April) and now he was looking quite concerned at the lack of consideration for Donatello’s feelings.

Groaning, Raph got up from his stool, abandoning the ice-pack yet again on the table, and trudged his way out of the kitchen.  He would let Leo be in charge of explaining things to Mikey, Big Bro was better at it anyway.

Right now, Raph had a geek to talk to.

 

 

 ** _To Be Continued…._**  I’m already working on the next chapter, I promise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * Katana is the Japanese word for “sword”, any traditional Japanese steel sword is a katana; short swords, long swords, square-hilts, round-hilts, they are all katana. They may each have their own specific names in addition to describe special features, like tantō, daitō, ninjatō, ect, but they are all swords and thus, they are all referred to as “katana” in general, the same way rapiers, cutlass’, scimitars, shortswords, and broadswords are all swords. 
> 
> * Remember the episode where Mikey got Shellacne? The reason Leo tried to assure him that it was a natural part of growing up but insisted he never had pimples was because it’s the truth; they’ve all probably seen magazine and TV ads for acne medication for teenagers, but being turtles ( reptiles), their skin does not produce the oil that human skin does to cause such blemishes. That same oil on human skin is what causes fingerprints to be left behind when you touch a smooth surface, that’s why the term is “dusting for fingerprints” the dust clumps onto the oil left behind by your hands. SCIENCE!
> 
> *” 8-Ball into the corner pocket” is a term used in the game of “Billiards”, also known as “Pool” in the United States of America.
> 
> * ki is energy or life force, in several Asian cultures it is believed that you have several points where the flow of ki is strong on your body that can be manipulated by adding pressure or acupuncture and this can either help hinder or heal.
> 
> * Higo is Japanese for “vulgar words” this can apply to profanity, slang, or lewd innuendo.
> 
> *Hai is Japanese for “yes”
> 
> * a Plenum is a metal casing that houses multiple ducts for forced-air systems such as heating, air-conditioning/cooling, even ventilation or filtration, and depending on the building’s needs, it can be in the ceiling, under the floor, or mounted on the wall. I’ve studied the images of the 2012 turtle’s kitchen as best I can to figure out what the heck that thing they use for a kitchen table is, and considering that their lair is an abandoned subway relay station that may or may not have ever been completed, I think this is the most likely explanation. Based on an official map that gives the basic layout of the current lair, it shows the kitchen is too close the subway tracks for the pipes that go into the metal casing to be water related, and electrical turbines or power converters are more round in shape, not rectangular, and would be far larger. However, if someone with experience in piping, HVAC systems, old New York subway construction designs, or electrical systems has an alternative theory I will be more than happy to take it into consideration and make changes. 
> 
> * Neapolitan is the type of ice cream that Mikey’s mutant cat is made of, it consists of layers of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry.
> 
> *Reiki is the “healing hands” technique that Leo learned in season 3, in the episode “Deadly Venom”.
> 
> * Noren is a traditional Japanese fabric curtain with 1 or more vertical slits cut from the bottom nearly to the top that is hung in doorways or hallways to act as a separator for the rooms.
> 
> *Shōji is a traditional Japanese sliding door, or room divider consisting of translucent or painted paper over a frame of wood which holds together a lattice of wood or bamboo. Remember in “I think his name is Baxter Stockman”? Splinter’s shōji is decorated with a scene depicting ninja fighting against armored samurai.
> 
> *”Off the hook” is an expression that means “no longer in trouble” much like how a fish that frees itself from a fisherman’s hook is no longer in danger. (I’m saying this because I know English is not everyone’s first language and some cultural expressions do not always translate so easily on the internet, I found this out the hard way trying to read other fanfics in Spanish and French.)
> 
> *”Wing it” means to improvise as you go.


End file.
